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19 08 2008

For the last two years, I’ve bounced around a lot. Between my parents, my grandma’s, and friends, I haven’t had a real place to call home. Its unsettling, its frustrating, and gawd damn if I just want to walk around in my underwear when I get home from work at night.

I thought, for a time there, that wherever I was, as long as I was with Rura, I felt like I was home.

I was so wrong. I’ve found, over the last month, that home is where your heart is.

My heart is right here. With all of you. The comments that you left for me, the emails that you sent me, the phone calls and the text messages, the long, long nights of plurks… I wouldn’t be able to even be anything. From these two literally holding my head up, night after night, situation after situation. To him reassuring me that I am neither dumpy nor uncool and literally cracking me up while my cheeks were damp with tears.

I can never ever express exactly what all of you mean to me. Some may think its pathetic, but when I get online, anytime of the day, I know I’m home.

As of now, Rura and Miss are no longer Rura and Miss. We both have our reason’s for this, even if they are on complete opposite sides of the relationship spectrum. I know I can’t be in a relationship where I never talk to or see my boyfriend. He says he can’t love a liar. We are both hurting. As much as I am all about the over sharing, I think this time I’ll leave it at that.

In all honesty, I don’t think this portion of my life is over. I think it just might be the hardest thing we will ever go through. Usually we fight through these things together, but this time, I dont believe thats an option and I am not going to push for it to become one. He has things he has to sort out and so do I. If we can find each other after all of those clouds are gone, then we were meant to live this life together after all.

Until then, it’s Just Miss.

I hope you join me. There will be cold beer in the fridge at least and a full bar to the left.


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15 responses

19 08 2008
Red Lotus Mama

You know how much I adore you. You know I am here for you any time. You know what you are worth. You know that you are strong. You know.

19 08 2008
Amy

I’m sorry. I’m proud of you for soldiering on… it’s a great testimony of your inner strength.

And ‘just’ Miss is still pretty fucking fabulous.

19 08 2008
BusyDad

I know you put out the cold beer for me (ok and the full bar) but you didn’t have to :)

Just Miss it is!

19 08 2008
Honeybell

You know I’ll follow you anywhere. I’m like a puppy that way.

Arf.

19 08 2008
A Whole Lot of Hooch

Mama – we’re all here behind you nudging you along all-the-while laughing at fart jokes.

19 08 2008
Maggie's Mind

Good for you, strong woman.

19 08 2008
Sonia

I’m sorry you’re hurting, but I’m happy you have the support of so many people. Please include me in that list, I’ve been heartbroken a few times myself. ((HUGS))

19 08 2008
skiplovey

Aw man, sorry to hear that. Big hug to you. I’m sure it totally sucks right now but I have a feeling you’re doing the right thing. One of my best friends just broke up with her boyfriend last week and I knew it was the right thing because she had this resolve to her. I think you’ve got that too. Things will be rough for awhile but then one day they’ll be better. And you’ll be better for it.
And Miss, I’ve always got your back.

19 08 2008
Piper of Love

Honey, I have nothing but love and respect and admiration for you.

(( BIG HUGS ))

Home is where the love is, and that’s right here.

20 08 2008
Kim

Huge hugs to you … and I am following you there now..

20 08 2008
VDog

Right on, sistah-girl! You will find your peace. We will be here along the way.

Hugs & Kisses,
VDog

20 08 2008
Zoeyjane

Oh, just loves.

21 08 2008
Karen meg

Just MIss. I love that.

And where you go I will follow <3.

31 08 2008
Monique

Late as always- *massive hugs*. I’m here if ever you need to chat. I mean it.

31 10 2008
kayla

You have a great blog. i found you some how when i was looking for things on our sons birth defect esophageal atresia. I iwish you all the best.

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