It’s a good one, I promise

21 11 2006

Well as of right now, I am out of the house. We had soccer games on Saturday, he provoked me, and I never went home. I meant to. We were having a fight, on the phone, on the way from the soccer fields, and he took me to a point where I wanted to snap. I was screaming back at him and I wanted to completely snap. Instead, I hung up the phone, drove to Rura’s and just cried and cried in his arms. And I did something that I have been wanting to do for a whole year.

I didnt leave them.

So much time had passed, him just holding me, that it seemed silly to go back. I just thought how much MORE trouble my night would be if I did go back. So I didn’t. And I haven’t been back since.

He is completely torn apart. I find myself enjoying that pain. Does that make me sick? It feels like a form of revenge that I never thought I could do. But I did it. And it feels so right.

So far, my son has not quite put two and two together. He asked me last night why I do not want to go home with his dad. I asked him if he remembers that me and Dad fight a lot. He said yes. I replied, “Mommy is sick of fighting.” He seemed to accept that. Its going to be tough, it already is with him. But I will stay strong. Rura stayed with me every day, all day, up until this morning when I took him home and came to work. He is keeping me so strong. I am so thankful for him.

I am staying with my parents and Rura and friends. So many people have opened their homes to me and my son and for that I am thankful. My parents are behind me 100%, no questions asked. They said that they knew something was wrong with my marriage for a long time. I did not expect anything less from them. I couldnt ask for better parents.

I don’t know the proper steps, or exactly what to do. It’s pretty scary. Everyone keeps asking me what my plans are, but right now, I am just trying to get through each day as best I can. He keeps begging me to go home and he does not seem to understand that I don’t plan on doing that. I am hoping that he will stop trying to hard, it will be much easier for both of us this way.

I am scared of how he is already using my son against me. But I am not giving in to his pathetic attempts to bring me back to the house. If he does not want to do this the right way, then I will get a laywer and go after him. I didn’t want to do that, I don’t want to be that type of ex. But I will do what it takes to make sure my son is happy and safe. Even if it means breaking his heart and stepping on it. If he is too foolish to realize that its over and that now is the time to straighten everything out, then he deserves whatever I take from him.

Right now, I feel good about my decision. I feel good. I feel…. free.

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19 08 2008
Home « Rura and Miss

[…] 19 08 2008 For the last two years, I’ve bounced around a lot. Between my parents, my grandma’s, and friends, I […]

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