When trust leaves you hanging…

14 06 2007

It’s funny how people in your life can let you down. Looking back, I should have expected something like this to happen all along. I have had a lot of people in my life whom I have trusted. Trusted with my stories, with my private thoughts, and with my heart. I guess I’m lucky to claim it to be a lot of people. I have been let down in the past by some of these people but the pain never gets easier. Maybe I need to be less trusting, and more careful.

I met my best friend in October of 2005. My son and her son where on the same soccer team, coached by my ex. We found out that they were born only 11 days apart. We seemed to hit it off quickly. She didnt have “girl friends” and I didnt have any in the area, none that I could see on a daily basis. We had that in common from the start. We found out we had much more in common as time went on. We spoke multiple times a day. She was there and quickly figured out that I was having a relationship with Rura, even before I myself knew it was really a relationship. She said she could tell by the way we looked at each other across a room full of people. She respected that relationship. Turns out, they are cousins and neither even knew. We would hang out a few times a week and any time we sat down to talk, we could talk for hours, exchanging stories and our lives and what we wanted the outcomes to be. We bonded over stories of betrayal by men, friends, and familly. She has a wonderful husband who worships her and their marriage. I was extremely envious of that, but knew that I could have that someday. I already had the guy who looked at me the way her husband looked at her. I was well on my way.

I quickly learned over time that I had brought someone into my life who was very co-dependent on the people that she trusted. She trusted very few people, but in her mind, those people should NEVER let her down. I tried my hardest not to disappoint her. To me, I went above and beyond for her and rarely got any thanks or gratitude. I disappointed her the most when I had to choose my ex over her for whatever reason. No surprise, he hated her. She took my time away from him. He was extremely jealous, as was she. I was torn a few times between the two of them and sometimes made it a point to choose her more often than not. When I left him, she was extremely pleased. I felt I had done well in her eyes. I always gave so much of myself to her in exchange for small pieces of her which always left me more confused then satisfied.

I am reading what I write and it seems almost erotic or romantic. But it was so. I never wanted to let her down where as she had no problem doing so to me. In retrospect, its exactly the kind of relationship I had with my ex. Poisonous to say the least. But it is something anyone would do for the people that they loved.

I could even imagine us in a perfect world, old ladies with our grandkids talking about the good times we had together. Now its hard to imagine that life but belive me when I say this: I am glad.

Things started to turn sour when she started getting jealous over my time with Rura. Extremely jealous. I had just left my ex and all my time should have gone to her. When things reached their peak with me and the ex, whenever I would go to her house, I had Rura with me. She hated it. She wanted time with me all to herself. I wanted time with two people that I loved the most in my life. That was a struggle in the least. Once I was gone from my marriage, we spent a lot of time with her and her husband. Did I mention that she has been cheating on him for the past year? No? My bad. She disgraced her marriage in a way I never did. I hate my ex and that is why I allowed myself to be loved by another man. She never once said she didnt love her husband. She just had more fun with an old lover who treated her like garbage. Imagine that? I left my marriage because I couldnt stand the site of my ex and at times, he couldnt stand the site of me. We were obviously not meant to be. Her on the other hand, has a husband who will lay down and die if she asked, but willingly risked that for someone who could care less. Every minute of that relationship I judged her for it. She is very selfish. Some would say the same for me, but I cant agree. I was only selfish to myself because I had found something wonderful in this world and I didnt want to loose it. Compared to what I was living with, it was a blessing.

On the 3rd of this month, Rura celebrated a birthday. We tried hard to plan a night where the two of us could hang out with her and her husband. We were two blocks from her house when she called me and told me she wasnt feeling well and didnt want us to come over. No surprise to me but Rura was really hurt. We hadnt spent a lot of time with them lately and he really wanted to do that. She over heard him expressing his opinion and actually got upset. Someone who lets people down on a daily basis. I tried my hardest to make the night ok for Rura but it was spoiled at that point. The next weekend was his actual birthday and we planned a little get together with his friends and cousins. She did call on his birthday, around 1am to be exact. She was up with her husband drinking and was totally drunk by the time she called him. We werent in much better shape but it was a celebration. He was still pissed about the weekend before and just shined her on by asking who it was that was calling him. Thats a big no no to her. He should have been GRATEFUL that she even called him on his birthday. How dare he not be? It was an honor in her eyes. Needless to say, she got pissed and was screaming at the both of us about how we should be thankful she even called. I dont know how I got roped into cleaning up their mess but I tried. She demanded that we come over or else “we were through”. I dont even know what brought that on but I was in no state of mind to drive or try and argue good points with us. In all honesty, I didnt WANT to fix it. I didnt care if it got fixed. I was tired of being treated like a doormat by her and I didnt appreciate her treating Rura the same. She gave us a time limit and obviously, we missed it. In the following weeks, I tried calling her once or twice but she never answered. Yesterday was her birthday. I called her to wish her a happy birthday and we talked for a bit and then it just went down hill. I could have cut it off but I was so irritated by her arrogance that I egged her on. I didnt care anymore.

The person who I trusted, cared for, cried for, sacraficed for, actually threatened to beat me up if she saw me in the street. Warned me that I should be careful in the town that we live in because “do I not know who she is there?” I could care less. I’m not in high school. I am not about to physically fight anyone. This mentality comes from living that type of life from an early age. She cant use big girl words, she has to use violence. When I didnt comply with her waiting for me at Rura’s so she could “beat my ass” she decided to use other ways to hurt me. It frustrated her deeply that I didnt buy into her bullshit and that I wasnt scared of her.

Today she chose to tell Rura and shit load of lies about me. Lies that included me cheating on him with the town’s pedofile who we happened to come across one night when we were at a bar. (A bar that she could not admit to her husband she was going to, a bar I had to lie about when he asked where we had gone) This guy is on our soccer board (scary, I know. He didnt get my vote.) so we know him which is why he thought it was ok to hang around with us. She went to take a pic of me to send to Rura and this guy thought it would be funny to put his arm around my neck. In that instant where I was still laughing at her, he did this and she took the pic. She saved it probably for this occasion. She sent it to Rura and told him that me and that guy hooked up. She also told him that I was still sleeping with my ex and that I had been there on a day when I was in another city at a meeting for the ACS. She wiped my name so full of filth and he belived her. He accused me of these things that are so unspeakable but of course he is expected to believe his family. He always thought the best of her, even when she was at her worst. She hit me in the one spot that she knew would hurt me the most. I dont blame him for what he was thinking of me. I went to him immediately and basically ripped my heart out and put it in his hands. I had to make him see that if she was really protecting him, she would have told him all of this right after it had happened and wasnt it funny that when I didnt comply with her, all these stories come out of no where? I truely hope that he believed me and continues to have faith in me and in us. She even went so far as to tell both his parents (she works with them) and their entire workplace about the kind of person she thinks I am. His dad believes her (no surprise) but his mom wants to stay out of it. I want to tell her my side of the story and that I would never in my life intentionally hurt her son. I’m still debating that.

The only thing that pleases me is that she failed in her attempts to hurt me where it hurts the most. Its low, its diabolical, and I would never in my life imagine doing that to someone else. But it comes very easily to her and she does not care about the consequences. There will be none from me. Yes I want to slap her across her face but I never will. I plan on never even speaking to her again if I can help it. She did devious things to me and did hurt me for a moment in time. Now, after this, she gets no thought from me. I am completely and totally over the person that she is and all that negativity is not going to hurt me again.

If you are still reading this far down, you are nuts. But a dedicated nut. This was written mostly for me and the fact that I will look back on this entry and try to think about something good that came from knowing her. I know there has to be something, I just hope I can remember what it is some day.

Oh and the bitch already took me off her myspace. That makes me so sad. No… not really!!

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3 responses

16 06 2007
Dawn

I’m assuming this is that trashy Latina chick that was on your myspace. I remember looking at her pic and thinking that you didn’t fit with her at all. I had a friend that I had to break up with two years ago and it was the best decision. She also tried to muddy up my name and tell Elvee stuff about me that wasn’t true. I hate drama. Chalk that up to one more reason that I don’t trust girls very easily. It always ends badly. Why is life so hard, dude? Why can’t people just be good to each other? I know that sounds nuts but that’s how I’m feeling today. I feel like alot of things like this are happening to many of the people I know. I’m sorry you are going through this, girl. Just be the bigger person (even though she clearly is BIGGER if you know what I’m sayin :)) and ignore her shit. You’ll come through this.

9 11 2007
In response… (and some more complaining! I mean, opinionating) « Rura and Miss

[…] Skip- Thanks! Commenting takes practice, that’s for sure. We should hang at your secret beach and talk about it. (STALKER! STALKER! See Amy… run!) […]

8 02 2008
Leap of Faith #1: Trust « Rura and Miss

[…] Go read this: When Trust Leaves You Hanging […]

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