What’s so special about Iowa?

30 07 2007

Is it the pretty scenery? Or the simple fact that it’s over 2,000 miles away from family? I’m going to go with the latter. I absolutely HATE that my cousin lives in Iowa. I hate it. I’m a selfish bitch, yea ok but I still hate it. I hate not seeing her kids grow up. I hate not seeing her. Period. I don’t miss her self obsorbed husband. He blogs about my cousin in a way that makes me loathe him even more. I am not linking to his site because it sucks. I’ll just post the pic –

damn boots


 He goes on to say something along the lines of her being such a hard working mother and how she takes care of him as a 3rd child and blah blah. Yea, he blogged about her going out shopping with two different shoes on. Some will read this as an affectionate post about a husband who admits to under appreciating his wife. I read this as an arrogant ass who thinks its “cute” that his wife is so damn frazzled, she allows herself to go out in public like that. Him being too selfish to even notice when she went out the door. And WHAT. THE. FUCK. What are those THINGS she is wearing on her feet? She owns TWO pairs of fug boots? SCUFFED UP FUG BOOTS?? That she wears SHOPPING? Doing yard work or something in them is fine, but she would not be caught dead in those here in California. This makes me go insane!!!!!! She used to be put together. Gorgeous. Never out of place. Now she’s packed on the pounds and spends her time chasing after her kids who are growing up to be like Daddy which alone would make me nuts.  Added to the list of things I cant stand about him: he goes on all these trips, biking trips, work trips and never once does he think about taking my cousin on a much needed cruise or SOMETHING! He is never home with them and I know she is out of her mind.  

They are coming to visit towards the end of August. I wish she was coming alone with just the kids but I doubt it. I hate when he is with her because he is so damn condicending and judgmental. When SBJ was two, he was on a good one trashing my mom’s living room. Kids who are two pull things off of tables and throw them on the ground. They are two. They don’t understand “NO” just yet. My mom quickly re-learned to move the breakables high up and never cared what he was throwing around. My cousins hub (they had no kids at the time) sat there looking down on my baby and said “MY kids will NEVER act like that.” I wanted to knock his teeth in. I didn’t have to because KARMA IS A BITCH. His son was the BIGGEST brat. He has tantrums to beat all tantrums. The first time I witnessed this, I laughed my ass off.


He is one of those parents who send out birthday invitations and add a little sticker that says “Instead of toys, contribute to his college fund!” Like its fun for the 2 year old to get checkes instead of TOYS. FUCK YOU. I always get those kids the noisiest toy with the most pieces. I got him his first drum set. HAHAHA. I hate that shit. No one contributed to my college fund. Hell I don’t think I had one. If I did, I still haven’t seen a dime of it. And I went to college! Gah! I swear, I block that jackass out of all my memories with my cousin and her kids. Things I do remember, are all bad. Tell me again why I clicked on my bookmark of his blog? At least he gave me an entry for today. I think that’s the first decent thing he’s ever done. Thanks jackass!!


Edited to add: I love my cousin and miss her. I cant stand her husband because he took her away from me and my family. If she ever find this, I’m sorry if it pisses you off, but its what everyone in the fam believes, your husband is an ASS. So was mine. Guess it runs in our family.

July 1st? Try July 25th!

25 07 2007

Sorry it’s  been some time since I have written. I’ll say this: this month has turned into the month from hell. It hasn’t even been that bad but there have been some changes that I did not see coming and that I was not prepared for. I lost my job about two and a half weeks ago. They stated that it was for attendence reasons but there was a comment made that I just wasn’t doing my job the way they wanted me to. This infuriates me because I always give 100% to my employers. What I was doing there was NOT hard or challenging in any way. How could I fail at that? For unspoken reasons. I told them that they did not give me any fair warning about this and that I did not agree with their decission. Not that it mattered much. A week before it happened, I was warned about my attendence but by that Friday, the boss was looking for me and I know in my heart that she intended to give me the ax that day. I left early and she waited until Monday morning. I don’t know who I was a threat to there, but its over now.

That same morning, I made an appointment with a temp agency that I had used in the past. I went in Tuesday for their tests and forms. By Wednesday, they had a interview lined up for me for the next day. On Friday, I was offered a new job. I took a pay cut but thats ok because right now, its temporary. The company I am working for has me in a temp to hire spot and once I get hired, my pay will go up. If I’m lucky, I will make more than my last job.

I’ve been at this job for one and a half weeks. It’s not really what I imagined. I was given a project that is just so tedious and flat out boring that I am going stir crazy. Once I finish this, hopefully things will get more interesting and challenging. I love being challened at work and I am really waiting for this one. I’m sure there will be a work rant or two because I am already storing them up in my head.

Things with Rura have been a rollercoaster ride to say the least. All this relationship bullshiz is taking its toll on both of us. I am learning as time goes on, that I need to roll with the punches more. The week I was out of work he stayed right by my side the whole time. He will never understand what that meant to me. The week I started my job, he just kinda went away and he will never understand how that made me feel.

Adjusting to new things is so hard. He says that he hates to feel like he is married and I completely understand that. I just don’t deal with it well. I dont WANT him to resent me or this relationship because of something like that. We got in this to have fun and enjoy each other and lately it just hasn’t been like that. I want him to give me chances to prove his assumtions of who I am wrong. I just have to prove them to myself too. Its hard to change who you are. People say never to change for a man, but the changes that I need to make will only make me a better person. He has always been that to me. He has always made me make choices for myself that make my life better. I just think that he has lost focus on a positive way to do that. Now I feel as if he forces me into those choices to maintain our sanity as a couple. Its hard work. But I told him last weekend that I am in this for the long haul. I AM NOT LEAVING.  Friday night he begged me to go home so that he could be alone. I stubornly refused and we ended up having a good time that night. He asked me when we were going to bed why I didn’t leave. I was laying in his arms at the time and I told him that THIS, right then, that moment, was the reason I didn’t leave.

Both my dad’s parents are dead. My grandpa passed when I was 7 and my grandma, just a few years ago. About a year after her death, I dreamed of my grandpa for the first time. He sat next to me while I was laying down and just talked to me. I have not dreamed of him since. I have never dreamed of her. Last Thursday, I dreamed of them both. Together. My grandpa held my hand and it was so warm and soft. We talked and while talking, Rura walked up behind us and I introduced him. My grandparents looked at each other, smiled and said “So this is the one”. I woke up right after. I was crying. I have never experienced anything like that, never woken up crying from a dream. The pain I felt from missing them was so raw. They both knew him. They both knew as if they had discussed it. The intense feeling of love I felt in that dream and after is what has been helping me get through all of this up and down. 

He has been working with the Police Explorer program more and more in the last month. The first time I saw him in that uniform, I cried and wanted to jump him at the same time. I was so proud. He had his first ride along last week and I think I have never been so stressed about something in a long time. I knew he was in good hands and he reassured me all night in texts and short calls. He changes into another person when he does these things. He is so professional and sharp, I just dont know how to deal with how that makes me feel. It’s all good, I assure you, but its a new feeling. He is going to make a really great cop one day. I want to be there the whole way, no matter how hard. I know he will do it because his mind is set to it. Once that happens, there is no stopping him.

Well I think that this is long enough. I’m outta here for the time being but will hopefully be posting more and more.

Wow! July 1st!!

1 07 2007

I know it’s not a big deal, but more than half of 2007 is over. Yea, half of it. I dont know why I care, it just makes me wonder how time goes by so quickly these days.

I noticed that when I am not feeling excited or happy, I dont blog. Sucks huh but I feel like I have no motivation to write about anything. It’s usually me over-reacting to Rura as usual. We just go through our moments in time that just make me question our relationship and most importantly, myself. But we seem to get over them as quickly as they come so I am glad for that. Being that this is really only my 3rd serious relationship in my life, I am really starting to realize that this is just the norm in a serious relationship. Me and him together are NOT perfect. We have flaws, mistrust, and anger towards each other. But we also have humor, love, joy, and extreme attraction towards each other. It’s these type of things we share that make us work, that keep us ticking. That’s what I hold on to when it gets really hard.

Moving on… this weekend was a laundry weekend. My mom has been out of town a week on Tuesday so my dad is feeling it big time. When she is gone, he has trouble finding things around the house and has trouble making decisions. He relies on my mom for these things. So we have been trying to fill that void. I did his laundry today plus ALL of Rura’s. I went to his room and scooped up ALL his clothes laying all over and threw them in his hamper and took them to my parents to wash. He has 3 piles of clean clothes now. I think all together I did about 9 loads of laundry.

The only thing my dad likes about my mom not being here: he doesn’t have to eat pizza or fried chicken and he gets to eat all the things she doesn’t like to eat.

Now that I think about it, we did a LOT this weekend. Lets recap shall we:

*After work Rura and I stayed over night at the fireworks booth. BORING. We went to the batting cages for a bit then just sat around and drank beer with another couple from the board. We slept on the floor of the trailer and didn’t even get to fool around! WTF?

*Took Rura to get a haircut. Came out VERY sexy.
*Picked up SBJ at my cousins where he spent the night. Hung out there for a bit.
*Got my oil changed at the Oil Stop, coolest place to get an oil change. You stay in your car and they give you water and soda and talk you through the oil change. We get kicks out of stupid stuff like that.
*Grabbed lunch and went back to my parents.
*I watched Dogma while Rura took a nap. SBJ bugged the whole way through because he wanted to go swimming.
*Three of us went swimming for a few hours. My dad got home while we were in the pool.
*Four of us went to my FAVORITE resturaunt, Red Robin. I had the Teriyaki Chicken Burger. YUMMM.
*Rura, SBJ, and I went to a bowling alley near my moms and played two games. Of course I won both but I played league a few years back. This bowling alley was so cool because everytime that SBJ went up to bowl, the bumpers came up. Rura cheated a few times and used them because there was a slight delay when they went back down. I think he banked two or three strikes off of the bumpers that my 6 YEAR OLD was using.

*MOM slept in. Till about 9. I made French Toast for all my boys at my dad’s request. I made my dad make the bacon. I told him “I cant make bacon, I burn it.” He asked Rura when he came out of the room who responded saying, “I cant make bacon, I burn it.” My dad thought we planned it because I started cracking up. Soul mates? I think so. Soul mates who wont be eating bacon in the future. We watched Ice Age 2 while we ate.
*My boys went swimming again. While they dried off, I suggested a movie. Actually, Rura mentioned it yesterday but I just reminded him. I get credit right?
*Went to see Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer. Super cool. I liked it because it wasn’t completely drawn out. They got to the point and I like that.
*Cruised the mall like 3 mall rats. Best deal of the day: Almond Body Lotion at The Body Shop. For 3 bucks EACH. With a pump. Heavenly. I also got 10 beaded necklaces that were priced at $3 each. I paid $5 for all 10. SWEET.
*Came home and went swimming. Now my left ear is full of water and I HATE it. Rura tried sucking it out and it worked a little bit but right now, its back.
*Got Subway for dinner and watched King Kong.
*Laundry is almost done. Last load needs to go into the dryer. SBJ is playing games on the computer, I’m blogging (duh) on the laptop, and Rura is watching Cops, as per usual at night. If its not Cops, its some other law inforcement show. He likes to drool over the toys they use and listen to the codes and watch the redneck’s get wrapped up. He’s so cute. I can’t wait to take advantage of him later.

So busy weekend yes? To me it was. I think the A/C has been running for 3 days straight. I’m still sweaty. I need some cheese and mint chip ice cream. Not at the same time though.

Rura is eyeballing me so I guess I better go. BTW, check this out:

NC-17! COOL. Almost as good as porn