Everything changes… And friends become strangers

13 02 2008

Well it seems that, based on your comments from my last post, that you all feel that I should NOT leap regarding my ex friend.

I have to say that I agree. Somewhat. (Chill, let me explain. Sheesh.)

I know, without hesitation, that whatever type of friendship we had in the past, will never happen again. Ever. I will never trust her with any part of me, with any information about my life, with anything. I can’t. I will never go to any length to do the things I have done for her, to make the sacrifices I did. I will never lie for her or put myself in a position where I have to cover for her in any way.

What I can do is tolerate her. I can play nice. I can drink her beer. But I really doubt that I could ever call her a friend ever again.

 Friendship is funny. After high school, the whole concept of friendship changes. The people you thought were your friends let you down. The people that really ARE your friends, stay by you. Out of all the “friends” I had in high school, I still talk to about 3 of them. That is a shockingly low number to me. In the 7 (almost 8 ) years since graduation, I have 2 good friends that I know I can count on. I’ve made one really good friend here at work. The ultimate test to me, being a “grown up” is making friends out of co-workers and finding out if they were really your friend after you leave that job.

2 maybe 3 friends. Seems kinda low.

But wait. I’m forgetting about an untapped group of friends. Internet friends. Blogging buddies. There are so many people that I have gotten close to, thanks to the Internet. This would normally be the place where I would link drop like crazy. But I don’t think I have to. My friends know who they are.

In all honesty, anyone who commented on that last post and the FUCKED UP situation that I am faced with is now considered my friend. Seriously. That’s the beauty of the Internet. We write about the most off the wall shit and yet there is still someone out there who can relate. We can write about the most random stuff our kids, loved ones, and just people in general come up with, and we can find some humor, compassion, and love to pass on.

We are a lucky few.

Thank you for being there for me, without reservation.

Thank you for reading, without asking for anything in return. (except comments. GIVE ME COMMENTS you demand)(Ok ok you know I do!)

Most of all, thanks for relating, for being honest, and for being you.

(Everybody now – AWWWWWWWW)

Oh yea, and thanks for coming back.

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12 responses

13 02 2008
Amy

Dude, I suck. I am a lousy commenter lately, but I hope you will give me a free pass because I’m still fighting The Crazy.

Or maybe I’m just making excuses for being an asshole.

Either way, I hope you’ll forgive me for sucking.

But I still think you’re my friend… my bestest internet friend*.

*That was in no way ass-kissing.

13 02 2008
rimarama

Right back at ya, sistah. You rock!

13 02 2008
heather

I was looking at college pictures the other day and thinking that I didn’t even know the names of most of the people in the photos. Funny how things change and stuff that once seemed so important suddenly isn’t.

I think that’s a great attitude to have about your ex-friend. It’s the whole fool me once thing, just don’t let it happen twice. If I could be cynical for a minute, also watch out for her creating drama for you…you know the kind of chick who makes stuff up and plays you to suck you in and suddenly you’re involved in a big thing and you have no idea how you got there. She sounds like the type.

13 02 2008
OHmommy

You are right… it will never be the SAME type of friendship. You are a good person. I tried to make friends with an old friend that wronged me and we just fell apart again. It was weird. You know?

13 02 2008
zdoodlebub

I was going to comment on the last post, but saw you had a TON of comments! Yay, you, for the readership, but mostly Yay, commentors, for the good advice. I’ve got a decade on you…a decade full of b.s. in the friendship department. There’s forgiveness and then there’s setting yourself up to be abused again. You can forgive her, let it go, without letting her in. She sounds like the kind of person who is going to talk about you whether you are in or out of her life. If this is more of a “keep the peace” situation because Rura also wants to maintain the friendship with the husband, then I say you are a good woman to compromise and you’re setting yourself up for a great marriage. But still…I’d steer clear. You can say you’re not going to let her in and I believe you. But that’s not going to stop her from taking any detail and opportunity that overlaps with your life and use it against you, behind your back.

Take care of you!

14 02 2008
jessie

Well, if you do end up back hanging out with this broad you know where to get advice if she pisses you off.

14 02 2008
skiplovey

sniff, sniff. Oh stop, you’re making me get a verklempt in my coffee. Hey I tagged you for a meme. Happy Valentine’s Day cutiepatootie!

14 02 2008
Jennifer

You know, it’s funny, when I was in college I joined a sorority so I’d have life-long friends! and sisters!! It’s all bullshit. I have 1 friend (out of 150 girls) that I still count on, the others I tolerate (and there are only about 7 of them.)

Tolerate seems good. And enjoy the free beer.

17 02 2008
BusyDad

Funny how that works, eh? I have made some unbelievable connections/friendships through blogging. Something I totally did not expect when I started on this journey. And because of this, I know I will NEVER stop. You are one of them, for sure.

18 02 2008
LunaNik

At this point in our lives, we can’t have an abundance of friends IRL. They’re too needy or something. Just a few is fine.

But…my bloggy buddies…the more the merrier! Weird, eh? I just love meeting more and more bloggy buddies from all over the world.

18 04 2010
abby

people change and so are our friends. i don’t give too much thought to it. what i do is to just leave and walk away from their lives. i believe that when a door closes, a window opens. so move on. it may be hard to leave friends you’ve been attached with for so many years.
the good thing is that you have had memories. gain friends. there are a lot of people in the world. friendship is dynamic. you don’t need to revolve your life around one or two friends.
at least, you have friends who are loyal and true!

29 05 2010
AL

I totally am going through a version of this. I forgive but it’s hard to forget. Frankly, the more repeated incidences occur, the least likely I am able to trust that friend again. She will reach out again, and she doesn’t get why I’ve been so distant. She’ll put me down for MY INSECURITIES!!! What kind of friend is THAT???…Real friends are supposed to make you feel good about yourself or if you find there something you wish you could change about yourself, then they’d HELP you not BERATE you about it!!1 UGGG, sorry, I got carried away with myself there.

I do agree, some of my most intimate (i.e., open relationships in terms of revelation about my deepest self) have been with people I’ve discovered online, even on Twitter!!!…Unfortunately, this “friend” also follows me on Twitter too! I’m so ready to BLOCK her right now! But I don’t want to give her the satisfaction that she’s gotten to me like she has…

Friends come & friends go. One needs to realize which ones are worthy to keep and best to have them move on…

P.S. ***FYI: How’s this for dramatic irony for ya?!…The theme song for FRIENDS was playing as I wrote this!!! hahaha…”I’ll Be There For You”

Well, if you want to I’ll be there for you!!!!
Follow me at @Misguided Ghost

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