Just shut up already!

30 07 2008

I realized something last week.

I talk way to damn much. When I think I have something interesting to say, I talk. And talk. And talk, talk, talk, and I don’t let the people with me get a word in. I sit down with a friend and the flood gates open. Especially if the person doesn’t really know me.

You know there are friends who you are getting to know and then there are friends who know you? They know all your bullshit so you really just kick back and talk about the weather? (ok not really the weather per say, but you know what I mean) Well I really realized I had this problem. Because I kept sitting there, word vomit flowing from my mouth, my brain screaming at me to SHUT UP ALREADY, and I couldn’t stop. There were times when I was out of breath!

Add alcohol to the equation??

I sat, in a crowded, small space, and yelled (or so I was told) “I’m dysfunctional!!”. It sounded like a whisper to me, I swear. Of course this was only after  I had just described my family. Both sides. Explaining the complexity of my family, both sides!, all at once made me realize that I am dysfunctional. And I felt the need to supposedly scream that out. It doesn’t help to be in the company of an intimidatingly good looking, smart, way out of my league, person. The combination of that, alcohol, and nicotine (which, HELLO head rush) is what must have caused me to become so obnoxious.

I do it online too. Instant messages, plurk, whatever. I respond and respond and dont stop and then its just silence. Oh shit, I bored them all to death. Am no longer cute and witty, but annoying.

Maybe its nerves. Or maybe I am really just THAT socially challenged. Damn you, never ending awkward phase!!!


25 07 2008

There’s been a shift. I can’t pinpoint if its a shift in the blogosphere, or just an overall shift in my life in general. I think it’s safe to say that its a fair mixture of both areas.

As far as the blogosphere is concerned, many are still riding the high of BlogHer. In the months leading up to BlogHer, I was really serious about going. Not so much for the conference, but to meet some amazing bloggers that I have been dying to meet. Turned out that the only way I was able to go, was on a stick. Thanks to Maria, I traveled around a little bit. If you happened to be there and saw a stick with this pic on it:
then you had the pleasure of meeting me. It was sooo nice to meet you too. As you might know, misery loves company and I didn’t mind going as much because a lot of my other friends couldn’t make it either. We would plurk, drink, and feel sorry for ourselves. There was even discussion with a friend about making a video based on the “we didn’t make it to BlogHer but we can still drink” concept. Until his wife gave him a free pass to San Francisco. (Which, BTW, is totally awesome. I wish I had a cool wife who let me do things like that, and a kick ass sis who would babysit for me too.)(I have neither.) So as Jim was getting ready to fly off into the sunset (literally), I made a few small requests that he bring back a little bit of BlogHer for me. I hear that he did do such a thing, but I haven’t seen what that is just yet. He also rang me up in the midst of a party and let me talk to some girls that I love so much. That conversaton was 99 parts awesome and 1 part sadness. But I knew BlogHer would be ending soon and all the kids would go back home and return to their normal lives. Oh how quickly I forget BlogHer fall out. The week leading up, everyone is talking about it. The weekend of, their blogs are quiet. The week after? It’s all about how much fun was had. I can easily say that I am DAMN sick of hearing about it. But that would make me a bitch. And a liar. Because I am enjoying the videos, the photos, and the stories. The hardest part of all of this? It’s that shift I am talking about.

I have made some pretty close friends these past few months, for which I am so grateful. There are people I trust and who I believe trust me and I love them and hope to have babies for all of them someday. But now that BlogHer is over?? This is going to come out nothing but selfish and I guess I’m ok with that. Being a non-BlogHer gal, I feel so out of the loop. This explosion of love and “new” friendships, and much more respect and adoration amongst those that attended is being crammed in my face. Twitter, blogs, plurk, all of it. I guess I just feel a little jaded that it takes a conference in a big city to make people feel close to one another. That now that they have met, they are so much closer to one another than they could ever be with me. I can understand that. Meeting someone and sharing an experience IS life changing. No doubt. But we blog our thoughts, our hardships, our good times, and bad. We forge friendships through social networking and we feel secure knowing that there are people out there who care about what happens to us. With this new influx of love and friendships coming from BlogHer, I cant help but feel that some of what we forge online is just a false sense of security, that because we never met, we can’t possibly be that close to one another. Oh well. It is what it is. For those who did attend BlogHer, I am happy for you and insanely jealous. But I’m already saving for next year. I wont be there for the networking, I’ll be there for the body shots and the opportunity to say hi and give you a big ole’ knock down hug when I see you.

Now changes IRL have been happening too. I don’t really want to write about it. Lets just say that a certain girl told a certain boy that she was not coming back to his house until he directly asked her to. She shared that she was tired of chasing him and that she was tired of not feeling wanted. She continued with her week and has since not called him or sent him any of her regular messages (unless it was returning a call or txt, I have manners people). She is willing to guess that he has slipped happily into a place where he is probably thrilled to not feel obligated to call. She and he both refuse to address the current situation at this time. Girl is slightly wondering if she should feel more upset by all of this, but is more focused on going out and getting something new to wear for drinks tonight. Call it avoidance if you must, girl just feels at this present time that she will NOT let this get to her.

Priorities, they are a changin’.

Girl would also like to mention that she has been feeling a little wanted this past week. And you know what? It’s kinda pretty nice. Or so she says…


20 07 2008

So I guess I fooled a couple people into believing I can write. Want proof?? VDog asked me to guest post for her! Here… go here and check out my post. I probably wont be able to keep fooling people after that. Too bad for Maria though, since I am posting at her blog tomorrow. The alcoholic haze of BlogHer had to have helped me.

Thank you to everyone who commented on that last post. I know it’s expected of me to be a downer but really, I posted that after making some quiet observations about my relationship. It is my opinion that most relationships walk this path. That doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s bad. You want bad? I’ve been in bad. This is close to perfection compared to that. But thank you. I love all of you and I owe you big sloppy kisses when I see you next.

One last thing… I finally started that photoblog. Just One Look. If you go there today, you will see a pic from BusyDad. I only have two contributers right now, but I want more. So if you are interested, please email me at justonelookphotos@hotmail.com. Oh and please add it to your readers. If you pimp it, I will be your bitch.

The Evolution of Love

14 07 2008

~We used to listen to these songs laying next to one another, now I listen while you dont.

~We used to fall asleep next to each other, now I sleep alone and you just lay beside me.

~We used to run down to the market together, now I walk alone.

~You used to carry my bags, now I struggle under my own burdens.

~We used to be head over heels, now I struggle to keep up, only skimming the surface, struggling to keep my head above water.

~ You love me, no doubt about that. I love you, certainly that isn’t a question.

~ But when the spark, the flash, turns into a sizzle… What used to be a huge explosion, is now just a dull roar… How do we get that fire back?

~ You are comfort, as I am to you. I am familiar. I want to be a little mysterious again.

Things that need to be said

9 07 2008
  • You are beautiful. Song cliche and all.
  • Sometimes you just don’t know when to stop do you? For someone so thoughtful, you just don’t realize when you are being insensitive do you? Do you? Maybe you do, and you don’t care.
  • If there is anything to take from all of this, know that your strength amazes me.
  • Your children do not deserve to grow up wondering why Mommy is sad all the time. This will effect them. More than anything you might do to him.
  • Do you know how much I admire you? I don’t think I tell you enough.
  • Happiness, in our lifetime, is something we need to find and hold on to. If you don’t have it, you know you don’t have it. Go find it.
  • You ARE full of grace. Please don’t let anyone take that away from you.
  • I really hate you. I wish you picked up on that. Too bad for me I’m not the type of person to make it THAT obvious.
  • If you feel a sense of dread going home, or knowing someone is coming home, then that is NOT home. That’s an open door prison. I’m speaking from experience.
  • I’m not telling you to leave him. I’m telling you to find your happy. You take the steps to get there.
  • NO ONE shits sunshine and rainbows, no matter how hard they try to make you believe it. Don’t measure your self worth to the people that try to make you believe that. I bet they have the DARKEST of secrets.
  • I wish I could walk a day in your shoes.
  • Do you know how insanely sexy you can be?
  • You were right about the music, it does say a lot.
  • You really need to knock off your shit, its already old and so many people are OVER it. Move on…
  • I love you. For you, for all of it.

If you think this applies to you, then maybe it does. Even if its not directly from me. If you see your life in any of these black bullets, I suggest you ask yourself why. Don’t bother trying to figure out who I mean. If you think too hard about it, you might figure out that I AM talking about you. Got anything to add?? Go for it. The comment section is all yours.

*Polls closed for the badge. It’s obvious that #3 won. I’ll post sizes and stuff once I get off my ass and ask MomBabe to do some tweaking for me.

We got badges!

7 07 2008

So the other day, I talked about the Z-List. Seems like you folks dug it. And thats why I love you all.

Soooo someone very awesome, who I met through Plurk, who has an awesome blog, volunteered to make us Z-Listers some badges.

MomBabe, you are super duper, highly, insanely, and beautifully awesome and I adore you.

And you gots skillz girl!! Check these out!

Badge 1

Very fight club, very cool. Comes in a few colors actually.

Badge 2

Love, love, love all the phrases that just describe the Z-List to a T. Oh and it comes in blue for you boys…. or girls who like blue. Whatever.

Badge 3

Very hardcore, this one. MomBabe’s got herself a dark side me thinks.

Dont worry, all of these can be shrunk to fit all your blog sidebar desires.

So thats the future of the Z-List and how we are gonna make everyone want to be on it.

And now you vote!

Have fun! Voting closes on…. Thursday night, midnight.


3 07 2008

The last time I used Fuck in my title, it brought all the sun fuckers out. Those freaks are STILL finding my blog when they are on their pervy searches.

There’s some stuff going on in the blogosphere that I played along with and I even got an award. See what happens kids, when you never blog?? People still love you. Just another reason why I love, love, LOVE my readers.

First of all, the ever so delightful Huckdoll challenged us all to Disconnect to Connect on Monday. Basically, it was turn off your computer, TV, whatever for one hour, and connect with your kids, your lover, or yourself if need be.

I participated and really didn’t even notice! Me and Rura went over to a friends and had dinner and some R&R and then, in the spirit of “connecting” I got laid. So. How much better can it get? Once we were finished “connecting”, he went off to sell Fireworks, and I turned on my lappie, only to find that people were still connecting and no one was really online. So I would say that this experiment was a success. I’ve read quite a few people’s post’s on how they connected when there were disconnected so check out Huck’s blog for all the linky lovin’.

Moving on….

My new BFF Ash did something that most women don’t like to talk about. She gave us an opportunity to talk about self image.

Why she chose to inflict this pain in my life, I’ll never know 🙂 . I’m very unhappy with my body. I’ve mentioned it before. This summer was the first since my son was born that I’ve felt uncomfortable wearing a two piece bathing suit. I bought 3 one pieces from Old Navy, just so I wouldn’t have to wear anything else around the pool. I love them. You cant see my flabby baby belly. The other night, Rura asked me what was wrong with my the backs of my legs when I was sitting on my knees. I said that nothing was wrong, that’s just the beginning of cellulite. And then I died a little. I’ve got fat popping out in places I never knew I even had. And I hide it well. Believe me. I would rather people think I am pregnant than see how fat I am getting.

What am I going to do about it? I dont know. I honestly dont know. I have no motivation for the gym and I love food too much to diet. I guess I should just really GET pregnant, so that I do have a reason for the weight.

Although I don’t think Rura would be down for that solution.

And I do have the pictures, but you are NOT seeing them. Sorry. They kill me.

Award time! Since I feel a little low talking about my fat ass, this will cheer me up. (not your fault ash, I love you)

Isn’t it pretty! My very good, very pregnant blog buddy Heather at Finding Atman gave it to me. She said my photographs were of professional caliber. I adore her. She’s about to pop out her second very soon and I am so excited for her! Here’s the rules of the award:

  1. You have to pick 5 blogs that you consider deserving of this award for their creativity, design, interesting material, and also contribute to the blogging community, no matter what language.
  2. Each award has to have the name of the author and a link to his/her blog to be visited by everyone.
  3. Each award winner has to show the award and put the name and link to the blog that presented her/him with the award.
  4. The award winner and one who has given the prize have to show the link “Arte y pico” blog so everyone will know the origin of this award.
  5. Show these rules.

Seems easy right? Except I’m bad at giving out awards. Especially to 5 people. But let me try…

The first two I’m going to give away, go to my two girls I already talked about here: Ash and Huck. Seriously, both of them are fab. And sweet. Good listeners, I know that for sure. And obviously creative as hell to come up with the ideas that they have. Ash is even setting up a bloggy swap which I am looking forward to as well. So they rock. Go read them.

Third goes to Maria. She has been blowing me away with her posts. They are controversial, shocking, and written so beautifully, each one touches me and makes me think. She is amazing. Thats the bottom line.

Fourth goes to a new blog I’ve been reading which is 10 parts hysterical, and 10 parts awesome. Yeah, totally…right? is written by a very cool guy, Sully Sullivan. I have seen this guy pop up in blog comments of some of my favorite reads, and they are commenting on his blog too. Why? His content is JUST THAT GOOD. Seriously. Go read him NOW. He’s gonna be big.

Last one goes to a blog written by two of my favorite reads, Busydad and Mr. Lady. It’s a little weird to give an award this way to a blog written by two people. But its a damn funny blog. And you know what? If you read between all the funny, there is some damn good advise there. So Stark Raving Dads, this ones for you!

Well that wasn’t so bad I guess.

This blogging every other day thing isn’t so bad either… Anyone running bets on how long this will last? If so, I want in.