For the last two years, I’ve bounced around a lot. Between my parents, my grandma’s, and friends, I haven’t had a real place to call home. Its unsettling, its frustrating, and gawd damn if I just want to walk around in my underwear when I get home from work at night.
I thought, for a time there, that wherever I was, as long as I was with Rura, I felt like I was home.
I was so wrong. I’ve found, over the last month, that home is where your heart is.
My heart is right here. With all of you. The comments that you left for me, the emails that you sent me, the phone calls and the text messages, the long, long nights of plurks… I wouldn’t be able to even be anything. From these two literally holding my head up, night after night, situation after situation. To him reassuring me that I am neither dumpy nor uncool and literally cracking me up while my cheeks were damp with tears.
I can never ever express exactly what all of you mean to me. Some may think its pathetic, but when I get online, anytime of the day, I know I’m home.
As of now, Rura and Miss are no longer Rura and Miss. We both have our reason’s for this, even if they are on complete opposite sides of the relationship spectrum. I know I can’t be in a relationship where I never talk to or see my boyfriend. He says he can’t love a liar. We are both hurting. As much as I am all about the over sharing, I think this time I’ll leave it at that.
In all honesty, I don’t think this portion of my life is over. I think it just might be the hardest thing we will ever go through. Usually we fight through these things together, but this time, I dont believe thats an option and I am not going to push for it to become one. He has things he has to sort out and so do I. If we can find each other after all of those clouds are gone, then we were meant to live this life together after all.
Until then, it’s Just Miss.
I hope you join me. There will be cold beer in the fridge at least and a full bar to the left.