Just shut up already!

30 07 2008

I realized something last week.

I talk way to damn much. When I think I have something interesting to say, I talk. And talk. And talk, talk, talk, and I don’t let the people with me get a word in. I sit down with a friend and the flood gates open. Especially if the person doesn’t really know me.

You know there are friends who you are getting to know and then there are friends who know you? They know all your bullshit so you really just kick back and talk about the weather? (ok not really the weather per say, but you know what I mean) Well I really realized I had this problem. Because I kept sitting there, word vomit flowing from my mouth, my brain screaming at me to SHUT UP ALREADY, and I couldn’t stop. There were times when I was out of breath!

Add alcohol to the equation??

I sat, in a crowded, small space, and yelled (or so I was told) “I’m dysfunctional!!”. It sounded like a whisper to me, I swear. Of course this was only after  I had just described my family. Both sides. Explaining the complexity of my family, both sides!, all at once made me realize that I am dysfunctional. And I felt the need to supposedly scream that out. It doesn’t help to be in the company of an intimidatingly good looking, smart, way out of my league, person. The combination of that, alcohol, and nicotine (which, HELLO head rush) is what must have caused me to become so obnoxious.

I do it online too. Instant messages, plurk, whatever. I respond and respond and dont stop and then its just silence. Oh shit, I bored them all to death. Am no longer cute and witty, but annoying.

Maybe its nerves. Or maybe I am really just THAT socially challenged. Damn you, never ending awkward phase!!!


20 07 2008

So I guess I fooled a couple people into believing I can write. Want proof?? VDog asked me to guest post for her! Here… go here and check out my post. I probably wont be able to keep fooling people after that. Too bad for Maria though, since I am posting at her blog tomorrow. The alcoholic haze of BlogHer had to have helped me.

Thank you to everyone who commented on that last post. I know it’s expected of me to be a downer but really, I posted that after making some quiet observations about my relationship. It is my opinion that most relationships walk this path. That doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s bad. You want bad? I’ve been in bad. This is close to perfection compared to that. But thank you. I love all of you and I owe you big sloppy kisses when I see you next.

One last thing… I finally started that photoblog. Just One Look. If you go there today, you will see a pic from BusyDad. I only have two contributers right now, but I want more. So if you are interested, please email me at justonelookphotos@hotmail.com. Oh and please add it to your readers. If you pimp it, I will be your bitch.

Things that need to be said

9 07 2008
  • You are beautiful. Song cliche and all.
  • Sometimes you just don’t know when to stop do you? For someone so thoughtful, you just don’t realize when you are being insensitive do you? Do you? Maybe you do, and you don’t care.
  • If there is anything to take from all of this, know that your strength amazes me.
  • Your children do not deserve to grow up wondering why Mommy is sad all the time. This will effect them. More than anything you might do to him.
  • Do you know how much I admire you? I don’t think I tell you enough.
  • Happiness, in our lifetime, is something we need to find and hold on to. If you don’t have it, you know you don’t have it. Go find it.
  • You ARE full of grace. Please don’t let anyone take that away from you.
  • I really hate you. I wish you picked up on that. Too bad for me I’m not the type of person to make it THAT obvious.
  • If you feel a sense of dread going home, or knowing someone is coming home, then that is NOT home. That’s an open door prison. I’m speaking from experience.
  • I’m not telling you to leave him. I’m telling you to find your happy. You take the steps to get there.
  • NO ONE shits sunshine and rainbows, no matter how hard they try to make you believe it. Don’t measure your self worth to the people that try to make you believe that. I bet they have the DARKEST of secrets.
  • I wish I could walk a day in your shoes.
  • Do you know how insanely sexy you can be?
  • You were right about the music, it does say a lot.
  • You really need to knock off your shit, its already old and so many people are OVER it. Move on…
  • I love you. For you, for all of it.

If you think this applies to you, then maybe it does. Even if its not directly from me. If you see your life in any of these black bullets, I suggest you ask yourself why. Don’t bother trying to figure out who I mean. If you think too hard about it, you might figure out that I AM talking about you. Got anything to add?? Go for it. The comment section is all yours.

*Polls closed for the badge. It’s obvious that #3 won. I’ll post sizes and stuff once I get off my ass and ask MomBabe to do some tweaking for me.


3 07 2008

The last time I used Fuck in my title, it brought all the sun fuckers out. Those freaks are STILL finding my blog when they are on their pervy searches.

There’s some stuff going on in the blogosphere that I played along with and I even got an award. See what happens kids, when you never blog?? People still love you. Just another reason why I love, love, LOVE my readers.

First of all, the ever so delightful Huckdoll challenged us all to Disconnect to Connect on Monday. Basically, it was turn off your computer, TV, whatever for one hour, and connect with your kids, your lover, or yourself if need be.

I participated and really didn’t even notice! Me and Rura went over to a friends and had dinner and some R&R and then, in the spirit of “connecting” I got laid. So. How much better can it get? Once we were finished “connecting”, he went off to sell Fireworks, and I turned on my lappie, only to find that people were still connecting and no one was really online. So I would say that this experiment was a success. I’ve read quite a few people’s post’s on how they connected when there were disconnected so check out Huck’s blog for all the linky lovin’.

Moving on….

My new BFF Ash did something that most women don’t like to talk about. She gave us an opportunity to talk about self image.

Why she chose to inflict this pain in my life, I’ll never know 🙂 . I’m very unhappy with my body. I’ve mentioned it before. This summer was the first since my son was born that I’ve felt uncomfortable wearing a two piece bathing suit. I bought 3 one pieces from Old Navy, just so I wouldn’t have to wear anything else around the pool. I love them. You cant see my flabby baby belly. The other night, Rura asked me what was wrong with my the backs of my legs when I was sitting on my knees. I said that nothing was wrong, that’s just the beginning of cellulite. And then I died a little. I’ve got fat popping out in places I never knew I even had. And I hide it well. Believe me. I would rather people think I am pregnant than see how fat I am getting.

What am I going to do about it? I dont know. I honestly dont know. I have no motivation for the gym and I love food too much to diet. I guess I should just really GET pregnant, so that I do have a reason for the weight.

Although I don’t think Rura would be down for that solution.

And I do have the pictures, but you are NOT seeing them. Sorry. They kill me.

Award time! Since I feel a little low talking about my fat ass, this will cheer me up. (not your fault ash, I love you)

Isn’t it pretty! My very good, very pregnant blog buddy Heather at Finding Atman gave it to me. She said my photographs were of professional caliber. I adore her. She’s about to pop out her second very soon and I am so excited for her! Here’s the rules of the award:

  1. You have to pick 5 blogs that you consider deserving of this award for their creativity, design, interesting material, and also contribute to the blogging community, no matter what language.
  2. Each award has to have the name of the author and a link to his/her blog to be visited by everyone.
  3. Each award winner has to show the award and put the name and link to the blog that presented her/him with the award.
  4. The award winner and one who has given the prize have to show the link “Arte y pico” blog so everyone will know the origin of this award.
  5. Show these rules.

Seems easy right? Except I’m bad at giving out awards. Especially to 5 people. But let me try…

The first two I’m going to give away, go to my two girls I already talked about here: Ash and Huck. Seriously, both of them are fab. And sweet. Good listeners, I know that for sure. And obviously creative as hell to come up with the ideas that they have. Ash is even setting up a bloggy swap which I am looking forward to as well. So they rock. Go read them.

Third goes to Maria. She has been blowing me away with her posts. They are controversial, shocking, and written so beautifully, each one touches me and makes me think. She is amazing. Thats the bottom line.

Fourth goes to a new blog I’ve been reading which is 10 parts hysterical, and 10 parts awesome. Yeah, totally…right? is written by a very cool guy, Sully Sullivan. I have seen this guy pop up in blog comments of some of my favorite reads, and they are commenting on his blog too. Why? His content is JUST THAT GOOD. Seriously. Go read him NOW. He’s gonna be big.

Last one goes to a blog written by two of my favorite reads, Busydad and Mr. Lady. It’s a little weird to give an award this way to a blog written by two people. But its a damn funny blog. And you know what? If you read between all the funny, there is some damn good advise there. So Stark Raving Dads, this ones for you!

Well that wasn’t so bad I guess.

This blogging every other day thing isn’t so bad either… Anyone running bets on how long this will last? If so, I want in.

Almost 3 years later…

28 05 2008

…And there is still a lot we have to learn about each other.

Me: Are you sure you don’t want to go see Indiana Jones?
Him: Hell no. I hate Ford.
Me: Whatever! How can you hate Harrison? Sheesh.


Him: 90210 is coming back. Your favorite show!
Me: Hell no. Not for me. You’re thinking of T.


And? I have about 20 bobby pins holding my hair up today. Normal people would just use a hair tie.


Please ignore my huge finger. And my strangely wide nose. But do adore my bangs.

Blah, Blah, Blah… and a tag

20 05 2008

All I gots is bullets for you. And I got tagged so that’s at the end.

  • Why the hell did I sound so grouchy in my first two sentences? That’s no way to start a post. What a bitch.
  • I know why I might be bitchy. I’m at work far too early and I have to have my bits examined by a new doctor today. Fuckin’ insurance. Fuck you Loma Linda for not taking my HMO and advising me the day of  my appointment. If I get pregnant due to lack of birth control, I’m naming my kid Loma if its a boy and Linda if it’s a girl.
  • That was lame. Still, fuck you healthcare.
  • This just horrified me. I am so sorry for you and your vagina girl. And I’m sorry for Mr. Honeybell.
  • I just got a serious craving for Disneyland popcorn.
  • I do not believe the previous two bullet points are related in any way. At least I hope not.
  • This is my 150th post. I’m not that excited about that considering I’ve been blogging here for two years this August.
  • If you don’t take anything from this post, you must go and listen to Kate Voegele’s cover of Hallelujah. (I don’t really know if that link will take you to a good video.) It is beautiful. Listening to it brings tears to my eyes. She rocks. She played it on One Tree Hill. I love getting new music from that show.
  • Speaking of TV. CSI Finale??? OMFG. Seriously, I spontaneously combusted into a heap of tears instantly. Rura freaked a little and said “babe, its not real”. Oh yes it is. In my heart of hearts. Seriously, my emotional range went something like this: “phew, wait…., oh no…. heart pounding, waiting… OH NOOOOOOOO.” Cry, cry, cry. The end.
  • I was just outside taking a break, and the sprinklers turned on and soaked me. Ha. Ha.
  • These are totally not as cute as they look online.
  • It gets on my nerves when bloggers are all “ooooooooh I feel like I am missing out on the world. There is a whole wide world just outside my door and this blog is CONSUMING MEEEEEEEE. Waaaaaahhhh” Shut the fuck up, turn off your damn computer, and GO OUTSIDE. Shit. Blogging should be a hobby, not an obligation. (I’m really only talking about one person who irritates me and I am sure doesn’t read here. So think twice if you are reading this and you think it applies to you. It doesn’t, I love you, you look fabulous in that shirt. Did you do something to your hair? Rarrrrrr.)
  • Rura and I are doing very well. For the last two nights, I’ve gone to sleep hearing “you’re the best, I love you” over and over. AND I got a massage last night. We should take breaks more often.
  • No we shouldn’t.
  • My grandma’s doing good. The rehab gave us the wrong directions for her medications so she was missing out on two blood pressure pills a day. Her blood pressure was up and after I gave her the correct dosage last night, it went down to a better level.

Ok time for the six random things that the totally hot Ali tagged me for. You know what I have to do right? List six random things about me? My life is random so I”ll try my best.

  • I am very anal and picky about my iTunes. Everything needs to have an artist name, album and album cover. I get extreme pleasure from scrolling through my album covers. When the music doesn’t copy the same to my ipod and I have double entries for artists, even when their name is spelled EXACTLY THE SAME and apple is just fucked up, I get extremely irritated.



  • I have a weird collection of sweet n’ low packets and cracker packets collected at my desk. I ALWAYS ask for extra when I go get lunch that requires either of these items.




    • Speaking of my desk, I currently have another Starbucks coffee cup, a Dodgers cup from Carls Jr., an empty bottle of Smart Water, a full bottle of Ethos Water, a SeaQuest DSVcoffee cup from the 90’s, and a venti sized Starbucks cup sitting here. The venti cup is my pen holder, the SeaQuest cup holds my forks and spoons and extra straws, and the Dodger cup is empty.
    • I LOVE history and true crime books. My interest is mostly geared towards WWII because my grandpa served on the USS Hornet. I just finished reading a great book about WWII and am currently reading The Night Stalker, by Philip Carlo. It’s goooood. I chose this book because Richard Ramirez committed his murders in the area that I live now, and grew up in. I was 3 when he was at large and my parents remember locking their doors and windows because the entire city of Los Angeles was living in fear. My parents knew one of his victims.
    • I am totally suck at this. I have no idea what else to say. I do know that once I publish this post, I’ll think of two more brilliantly strange things to write about.  ……  Nope still nothin’ upstairs.

    OK then. This post got way longer than I thought it would. If you made it this far, then you are awesome. I’ma be mean and tag Luna, Honeybell, and Jim. I don’t care if you already did it, I did too but I lurve Ali so much, I did it again. If you dont, then you dont really love me.


    1 03 2008

    Remeber us

    Saw this picture over at FOUND magazine. It just gets to me for some reason. It’s titled “Remember us“. I would like to believe that someone, somewhere has the top half of this picture and keeps it safe, just to remember what was. The thing that bothers me the most? Someone else didn’t think it was quite so special. Which is why it ended up on a website featuring Found items. My heart aches for whoever keeps the other half.

    I guess whenever I find myself thinking about the past, I always wonder if the people I am thinking about ever think of me too. I would love to believe that I made some kind of impact on SOMEBODY, but it scares me to death to think that I haven’t.