Worst day of the week

4 05 2007

Tomorrow is the worst day of my week. I have to see the ex. I dread these days more than any other during the entire week. Its been almost 6 months since I left him and yet he has not let go. It was much harder before, trust me. The cops only had to come once (that I haven’t blocked out) and that was bad but I got past it.

We end up in these stupid arguements, agruing over who gets what. I want to tell him to take it all and shove it up his ass, but I really like some of the stuff I have accumulated over a period of 10 years and I would like to take some of it with me. He wont give up anything without a fight.

Most days he has the nerve to ask me why I left. He is so arrogant that he thinks he didnt do anything wrong. He admits to knowing that I was not happy. He admits this. He also admits that he never really cared then but that he cares now. He sees the “error of his ways”. *snort* Give me a fucking break. Does it look like I was born yesterday? Fuck. That shit pisses me off. Everytime it pisses me off, I know even more that I made the right choice.

It hasnt been easy. Its been the hardest fucking thing I had to do in my life. But it feels so right. I have good days and bad days. I haven’t given a second of thought to going back to him and I’m actually proud of myself for that. I’ve had to leave two of the places I was staying and that has been so hard. Right as I start to feel comfortable, I have to pack my stuff up and go. But right now, I am back with my parents and its been going ok. I can be quiet here and I appreciate that. It’s quiet here and I really appreciate that. Six months and I dont have much of a plan. First thing on my list is a divorce. I know I always have somewhere to stay, at least for the time being. The big D is what needs to happen ASAP.

Right now we are watching “Ferris Bueler’s Day Off” which is probably one of the greatest movies of all time. Rura is giving me the stink eye but I cant figure out why. LOL. I also caught him checking me out earlier so he is forgiven. He is also really really cute so I can forgive him for a lot because of that.

For today: Flickr pic of the Day: Crash Flickr ♥

First Thanksgiving

24 11 2006

We had our first Thanksgiving together. If this is a sign of things to come, maybe I should turn and run!!

I kid….

Besides the fact that his family ate without us, it was a great day. We layed around all day doing nothing, got ready, and drove to his parents. Aparently, they couldn’t wait for us and ate while we were on our way. Kinda sucks, I wanted to share that time with them but there is always Christmas.  After me and Rura ate, we were on our way to my BFF’s house and he popped the question….

“Do you want to go meet my family?”

Yikes. Totally freaked the hell out of me. But I said yes of course! After hearing so much about them, I couldn’t wait to meet them. They are really cool. His cousin’s son is so Fucking CUTE! I fell in love with him from his pictures and he is even cuter in person, which is so hard to believe! But his family is really cute. They even put me in their name drawing for Christmas. I pulled his cousin, so I got an easy one 😉 I feel bad for whoever pulled me and doesn’t know me LOL. But they were really cool about it.

After we left his aunt’s house, we went to my friends and hung out there. Guess who showed up? My ex’s cousin. Yikes. It was cool. He was really cool about it. He told me that he didnt understand why I didn’t leave him sooner. So yea.

I did miss spending the holdiay without The Boy. It was our first holiday apart. But I know that he was having a good time with his cousin’s so I didn’t worry about him at all. So far, he has not seemed bothered by this whole situation. He kind of understands that he is staying with Mom and Dad seperately, but thats about it.  I haven’t been with him since Tuesday night, so I miss him. His dad wants to meet tonight to talk about what we are going to do from here. This morning he is still begging me to come home, then this afternoon he just didn’t mention it but said he wanted to talk about my son and who will be having him and when. It was a total 360 and I really don’t trust it. I have to tread lightly right now I guess. And document everything.

Tonight I am staying at my BFF’s house, when I eventually get there. She wants to play Friends Scene It and I hope not to whoop her too badly. Rura and I are champions at Disney Scene It but he has never watched Friends before, so he wont be much help to me. Before I met my BFF, I had never met anyone who loved Friends as much as I do. We are soul mates too LOL.

I have serious TGIF today because having yesterday off just totally threw me out of it. So I hope anyone reading had a great Thanksgiving and will have a wonderful weekend!

It’s a good one, I promise

21 11 2006

Well as of right now, I am out of the house. We had soccer games on Saturday, he provoked me, and I never went home. I meant to. We were having a fight, on the phone, on the way from the soccer fields, and he took me to a point where I wanted to snap. I was screaming back at him and I wanted to completely snap. Instead, I hung up the phone, drove to Rura’s and just cried and cried in his arms. And I did something that I have been wanting to do for a whole year.

I didnt leave them.

So much time had passed, him just holding me, that it seemed silly to go back. I just thought how much MORE trouble my night would be if I did go back. So I didn’t. And I haven’t been back since.

He is completely torn apart. I find myself enjoying that pain. Does that make me sick? It feels like a form of revenge that I never thought I could do. But I did it. And it feels so right.

So far, my son has not quite put two and two together. He asked me last night why I do not want to go home with his dad. I asked him if he remembers that me and Dad fight a lot. He said yes. I replied, “Mommy is sick of fighting.” He seemed to accept that. Its going to be tough, it already is with him. But I will stay strong. Rura stayed with me every day, all day, up until this morning when I took him home and came to work. He is keeping me so strong. I am so thankful for him.

I am staying with my parents and Rura and friends. So many people have opened their homes to me and my son and for that I am thankful. My parents are behind me 100%, no questions asked. They said that they knew something was wrong with my marriage for a long time. I did not expect anything less from them. I couldnt ask for better parents.

I don’t know the proper steps, or exactly what to do. It’s pretty scary. Everyone keeps asking me what my plans are, but right now, I am just trying to get through each day as best I can. He keeps begging me to go home and he does not seem to understand that I don’t plan on doing that. I am hoping that he will stop trying to hard, it will be much easier for both of us this way.

I am scared of how he is already using my son against me. But I am not giving in to his pathetic attempts to bring me back to the house. If he does not want to do this the right way, then I will get a laywer and go after him. I didn’t want to do that, I don’t want to be that type of ex. But I will do what it takes to make sure my son is happy and safe. Even if it means breaking his heart and stepping on it. If he is too foolish to realize that its over and that now is the time to straighten everything out, then he deserves whatever I take from him.

Right now, I feel good about my decision. I feel good. I feel…. free.