Things that are pissing me off Vol. 3

12 08 2008

The letter edition…

  • Dear angry man at McDonald’s: I totally understand the frustration of not getting what you order in the drive through. I’m one of those people that makes special orders, so I feel your pain tenfold sometimes. But is it really necessary to come storming into the store, demanding your sausage patty? I mean, judging by the looks of you, it is far more likely that after receiving your food, you popped the lid off your Deluxe Big Breakfast Platter and shoved that round little sausage patty right into your mouth. Poor round guy never had a chance. Then you come in and make a big show by shoving your receipt in the face of the poor girl who was lucky enough to help you. Dood. Every McDonald’s breakfast platter (all fucking two of them) comes with a round little sausage. No need to prove to them that you just bought it. They gave you another sausage circle and you turned around and stalked out. But be damned if you didn’t fold that little baby up and stuck it straight into the gaping hole in your head we normal people call a mouth. Fucking Dickface.
  • Dear Co-Worker: I still hate you. But the tension in my neck and back has gone down since moving away from you. I can breathe so much easier now. Which just confirms that my problems were YOU. I hate you. You should go away.
  • Dear Stomach: Thanks for not hurting as much as you did last week. However, can you please stop being so damn cranky and bloated? Its not hawt. I know your best friend Flo is in town, but dayum, I hate when you two bitches gang up on me. I’m out numbered here.
  • Dear Mean Wife: Someone should give YOU the stink eye. You should let your husband play with us. Most of us respect the sanctity of marriage. Most of the time anyways.
  • Dear Me: Have you looked in the mirror today? Fucking yikes. Instead of sleeping those extra 10 minutes, take some extra time in the shower and wash your damn hair! Your bangs look like shit and that messy bun is NOT working. Its nappy yo. Also? Slapping on some cover up and some powder does NOT count towards makeup. Take another 2 minutes and get some eye shadow on those lids. You spend enough damn money to own eyeshadow in every color of the rainbow, would it kill you to actually use some of it? Damn lazy cow. And wash your damn car. Its filthy and disgusting. It was filthy and disgusting last week and a little embarrassing too. I’m giving you one day to make it right. Damn lazy, disgusting cow.

Got anything to bitch about?





Things that are pissing me off Vol. 2

29 02 2008

Just a short list today…

  • The carpool lane. More specifically the people who use the carpool lane, and believe that it is, in fact, the “faster than the fast lane uh, lane”. It’s not. If I get into the carpool lane (which I have to speed up to at least 80-85, just to get into) and I cruise to about 70, don’t get all up in my ass. If you are going to do that, at least have the decency to pull my hair. I had to give the finger to about 4 assholes that had to have been going at least 90. Fuck them. I’m in the carpool lane because I have my kid in the car. There is NO way that I am going to go over the speed limit your speed, just to make you happy. Oh and that pretty double yellow line that you are crossing? Not just to make the freeway all that much more beautiful. It’s there to stop you from going in and out of the carpool lane! Those dashes every mile and a half?? MEANT FOR YOU TO EXIT OR ENTER THE CARPOOL LANE FUCKO!
  • My ex. Period. I’m getting sick of his insinuations that I am a whore. Fuck that guy.
  • The one day, the ONE FUCKING DAY I decide to wear a skirt, so does my mortal enemy. What the fuck Karma? What did I do to piss YOU off? Oh well, at least mine is prettier. And I bet I paid less. ($6.99! How you like that Ali?)
  • Oh and? Fuck you weather. You were in the 80’s on Monday and Tuesday and today I cant see the sky because of all this fog.

Told you it was short. Got anything to bitch about?





Things that are pissing me off Vol. 1

28 01 2008

Since I regularly find myself pissed off at things, I decided to make this a regular part of my blog. Rura complains when I go into bitch mode so instead of unleashing my inner beast on him, I’ll just do it here. Where people can relate to me. (And I get to use bullets. Wheee!)

  • Let me just preface this by saying that I have undying love for Starbucks. If you are a regular reader you know this by now. But I must complain about something that has been regularly pissing me the fuck off about it. The drive-thru. I adore Starbuck’s that have a drive-thru. I really do. However, the people using the drive-thru? Not so much. There should be a rule that states that you are only allowed to order enough coffee for each passenger in the car. 2 people in the car? Two cups of whatever you are having. Simple math right? I absolutely HATE sitting in the drive-thru and seeing that window open up and the barista is handing the driver a cup holder with 4 cups crammed into it. I don’t give a shit if you are the coffee monkey of your office. If Lazy Larry, Sleepy Sara, and Dopey Dave are all sitting at work waiting for their triple nonfat caramel lattes with no whip, that is their problem. Why should I have to wait an extra 10 minutes for 4 special order coffees to be made because you are too lazy to get out of your car?? If you have to order more coffee than the number of passengers you have, THEN GET OUT OF THE CAR AND GO INSIDE. I guess that makes me more angry at Starbuck’s customers than at Starbucks itself. Yup.
  • Shoes. Especially shoes in the office. I can handle wet squeaking shoes because they dry and stop making noise after 10 minutes. What I cant handle are cheaply made shoes that squeak when a person walks in them. Girls, you know what I am talking about. If a females shoes squeak, they are probably cheap. I’m just sayin’. I’ve been guilty of this. Lord knows I cant afford expensive shoes. But damn if the shoes I buy are nice and quiet, even if I did get them at Payless. Another thing about shoes, if you insist on wearing heels to work, where we don’t have carpet, STOP WALKING SO DAMN LOUDLY. Have you ever been around people that just walk with so much intent that they thunder through the place? Sheesh, I hear your heels, I know your comin’. Quiet down clacky!
  • All this damn rain is pissing me off. Well not really. I dont mind it so much that I mind the PUDDLES I have to walk through. Or the fact that one of my mom’s dogs hates wet grass (I KNOW, same dog needed Prozac a few years back) so he poops on the concrete. Where we all walk. Yuck.
  • People who talk to themselves. The only time you will catch me talking to myself is when I am at home cleaning or packing for something. That’s it. If you are at work, keep your lips zipped. Other people do not want to hear you. Seriously. It especially gets on my nerves when they are reading out loud. Just kill me.
  • Blogging commandments. More on that later this week.

I think 5 bullets is good for today. I feel better now. Got anything to bitch about?