Leap of Faith #1: Trust

8 02 2008

Leap of Faith 

Trust is a tricky thing. It is so hard to gain, so hard to give, but taken away so easily. I struggle so much with this that I am beginning to NOT trust the whole concept of trust.

Let me start making some sense.

Right now, I am faced with the opportunity to take a Leap of Faith. I just don’t know if I should.

Go read this:
When Trust Leaves You Hanging

I link to this post often so if you have read it, you will understand. If you haven’t take a minute and go for it. This post will make a lot more sense.

When I wrote that post, me and my “BFF” T, had just “broken up” (for lack of a better phrase). What I never added or wrote about was what happened AFTER all that. I did talk to Rura’s mom about the situation and she believed me. She knew that T was always up to no good and she did not trust her. Once all as said and done (or at least I thought) T continued to attempt to bring me down. She actually told my ex, who she HATED, everything about my and Rura’s relationship, everything I had ever told her in confidence. Can you imagine the can of worms that opened? Needless to say, I was very hurt over and over by her. It still bothers me. I don’t think about it everyday, but when it does cross my mind, I get angry about it.

Fast forward to the last 3 months. Rura and I have spoken to T’s husband a few times, here and there. Him on the phone, me through myspace. We both agreed that we missed hanging out with him, but could do without her. We talked about the trust issue, about how I felt betrayed and that he had felt the same. Then around New Years, his phone was off and he wasn’t answering our messages on myspace.

Fast Forward to last night. Rura gets a call on  his cell from a number he doesn’t know. He doesn’t answer. He doesn’t recognize the name or the voice but the caller says its important, he needs his help, and to please call back. Rura tries to call for about an hour but no one ever picks up. No voice mail either. He calls again this afternoon and it’s T’s husband, R. He called last night so that Rura could give me the phone, so that T could ask me a question. The question? She wanted to know the name of one of the mom’s on our son’s soccer team. From 2 years ago.

She wanted to ask me if I remembered someones name. (I’m thinking about it, and the circumstances that are prompting her to ask me, and things don’t add up. If that mom, who we can only remember as *insert kids name here*’s mom, is causing trouble with one of T’s cousins or something, then how did her name NOT come up when she was first brought up? Sounds like a made up story) Such a simple and ridiculous thing to make contact over.

Its been 9 months. This is why she calls? THIS is what she has no problem talking to me about??!

I don’t get it.

Rura told me that him and R talked about the possibility of me and T “reuniting”. He asked me what I thought about that, if I was able to handle the possibility of that situation.

I honestly don’t know.

I would feel like a fool if I just went back so easily. Especially without some kind of apology. I know in y heart that I will never, ever get one from her. She isn’t capable of that kind of thought process. I’m sure that she truly thinks I was wrong, that I’m the cause of the end of our friendship, and that she is doing ME a favor (again) by extending her hand.

Then again, she really hasn’t. This could all be some kind of game.

I want to feel comfortable enough to give friendship with her another try. But why should I? I don’t want to look like a fool and I certainly don’t want her to think that SHE was the one who did me a favor by being my friend again.

So to leap or not to leap?

That is the question.

Leap of Faith in 08′is the brainchild of some awesome bloggers: Chicken Fried Therapy, Busy Dad, and Piper of Bliss in Bloom. Click their names for their LoF posts!

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16 responses

8 02 2008
davidsdoll101

If you dont think that you will get an apology, which is a symbolic way of saying “I regret what I did and I wont let it happen again,” from this girl, then she isnt worth your friendship.

Also, you need to really consider the fact that they are married, and technically you cant have one part of the union without the other, so maybe hanging out with the husband is a little bit unhealthy if you plan to avoid the wife. What if Rura (I know you’re not married) hung out with a person who hated you/avoided you at all costs? What if YOU hung out with someone who hated Rura?

Im not saying that you need to end all communication, but letting go of the idea of building a really strong friendship with someone who is married to someone who makes you uncomfortable would be the wisest thing to do.

8 02 2008
christine

I’m so glad you participated in LEAP of FAITH FRIDAY…but I am so sorry you are struggling with this difficult (former) friend

I wish I had even a touch of advice for you. instead I can only offer empathy. I, too, have been the most unfortunate position of having to end a friendship with a really really close friend. it’s heartbreaking.

proceed with caution. and spend your energy on people/things that matter

thanks for the LEAP!
and cheers

8 02 2008
LunaNik

Oh boy…tough one.

I was once completely betrayed by ‘friends’. They didn’t think they did anything wrong. No ties were cut, but I never forgot. To this day I still haven’t forgiven. I avoid contact with these girls now and only send the occasional ‘hey, how are you’ via myspace. No phone calls. No play dates. No drinks and conversation.

So, my opinion…don’t leap. She’s not worth the aggravation.

9 02 2008
Karen MEG (Pomtini)

Wow, this is a tough one when she was your best friend at one point. But it sounds like it went so toxic, I know for myself I’d be hesitant to get back into the cycle. I’ve found, through my old age I suppose ;), that people rarely change. I don’t know if I could find it in my heart to be friends with someone who tried to destroy my relationship SO and those around me who I care for, and was so malicious in their intent to hurt me.

That being said, if there’s any vestige of friendship you think is salvageable without you having to sacrifice so much of yourself, then you might consider taking that chance. But I’d proceed with extreme caution.

Thanks for sharing that story, it must have been so painful for you. You don’t know me from Adam, but those are my Blog hoppin’ 2 cents.
hope it all works out….

9 02 2008
Around The Funny Farm

Just try and opt out of the drama….. don’t participate in toxic relationships!
:-) Beth

9 02 2008
honeybell

I’ve always remembered the quote by Maya Angelou “When someone shows you who they are . . . believe them”. In your situation, I don’t think I could ever trust that particular “friend” again enough to allow her in my life. Good luck to you!

9 02 2008
Darrin

I personally wouldn’t give her the time, but if I did.. I’d be verrrrrrry cautious!

“Sinatra Junkie”
From the weekend blog hoppers

9 02 2008
OHmommy

So tough. I leave the drama behind. Always!

10 02 2008
heather

Some friends are only meant to be there for a certain time in your life, or to teach you something…in this case she taught you that she doesn’t deserve your friendship. Or time. You can forgive and be civil if you see her, but I don’t think it’s worth rekindling the friendship.

10 02 2008
skiplovey

Hmm, I’m stumped. I had a situation with a girlfriend of mine, she did some things that I just couldn’t trust anymore. We weren’t friends for awhile then we were kinda friends but it just wasn’t ever the same. Because I didn’t trust her anymore, so I had a different approach to it where I just didn’t share as much anymore.
Maybe that’s the way to go forward, be friendly but don’t become the same level of friends again because she’s shown you she’s not all that trustworthy.
And don’t expect an apology, she sounds like the type to just let that go.

11 02 2008
Mariposa

I read this post and that other post…and I say…oh my! She is lucky it wasn’t me! Since you asked for our opinions, here is my thought…she did it once…she can definitely do it again. You can maybe be civil with her…maybe not too close anymore.

I had something similar to this years back…the funny thing is, when she made up for “reconciliation” I took the bait and was beaten the second time…I never learn was the only thing I said to myself that time.

Don’t ask nor expect any apologies from her…bec even if she will, I would doubt her sincerity. Just deleted her from your memories. Learn the lesson…forget the B*tch and move on happily! You deserve to be in a better company anyway!

12 02 2008
Huckdoll

Hmm…this is why I can’t stand chicks and spend my time with guys. Drama free and if there is any confrontation – it’s all out in the open and dealt with.

Me? Would not take the leap. But then, I am wary of women…and no second chances for a person that has crossed me once and thinks nothing of it.

12 02 2008
BusyDad

I am a total “forgive and forget” kind of guy when it comes to misunderstandings and such. But if someone does something vindictive to me? Then, I get all “Vengeance of the Shaolin Temple” on his/her ass. What she did is inexcusable (yes, I read that long post to come to this conclusion). You shouldn’t take this leap. She should. Off a tall building. Just being truthful with you Miss!

12 02 2008
Jennifer

Eeek. For me, once I’ve been burned and burned pretty badly (as you were), I’d have a LOT of trouble forgiving and moving forward.

There’s a lot of issues here…it’s not just that one friendship that’s been affected. I may give it a chance, but go in KNOWING what she’s capable of and not allow myself to get too emotionally involved. Friends, but not confidants, not BEST friends.

13 02 2008
Everything changes… And friends become strangers « Rura and Miss

[...] changes… And friends become strangers 13 02 2008 Well it seems that, based on your comments from my last post, that you all feel that I should NOT leap regarding my ex [...]

15 02 2008
Joy

I’d go into any kind of relationship with this former friend with a guarded heart- there’s no sense getting burned again. Good luck, these situations are always tricky!

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